I had made the decision around Christmas this year that I was going to again jump into my business with both feet. Sure, I had been working my business and making a good income, but I was, personally, staying inside my “comfort zone” (which, ironically, wasn’t all that comfortable because it felt more like living out of a fear instead of comfort.) Many of you know exactly what I mean.

Despite, the income, I was not satisfied, there was still something significant that was lacking. I’m sure that each of us has felt, at times, that we are not satisfied or maybe even disappointed with how life is turning out. I certainly have felt that way. And I can tell you from personal experience, that if that’s where you are today, you are in one of the best places you could possibly be in. I know you might be thinking, did she really write “best places?” Yes, and that is because, despite what you have been told, desperation is a gift (see my post with the same title); because it gives us the motivation to make the changes necessary to improve our lives.

When I started my business (3.5 years ago) I did so because I was desperate to change my situation. I had been married for 7 years and was tired of fighting about money issues month after month.  When I found this opportunity, I could hardly believe in the enormous way in which God had answered my prayers. I had no trouble believing in the products (since I had seen dramatic results in a matter of days,) and I had no trouble believing in the opportunity with this company. What I found was hard, was not business, but life.  Life isn’t always easy even though you have found a great opportunity. My question for you is: How do you respond when you are faced with tough, unexpected circumstances? How do you respond when people close to you hurt or disappoint you?

I had 5 or 6 team leaders, whom I considered all close personal friends, quit our business (not because of business, but because of life) all at about the same time. Would you like to know how I responded? I’d love to tell you that it didn’t phase me, and I just continued my courageous efforts right to the top of life, but the truth is, I was hurt, and afraid of getting hurt again; so I withdrew emotionally.  Anybody else, ever do that? I didn’t quit (even though I considered it.) I didn’t quit doing business, but I subconsciously decided I wanted to succeed without putting myself on the line again.  I was making money off my individual sales, but my impact on people waned. I stopped willing people to join my team, because I was afraid of investing in them and having my efforts be for naught.  I began to doubt if I could build a team like other people I knew. This emotional reticence left me feeling empty. I needed to know that I was making a significant difference in the lives of others, beyond great products. I understood that if I kept doing what I was doing, I was going to keep getting what I was getting; and I was not ok with that. I felt very dissatisfied and unfulfilled. My question for you is, what are you dissatisfied with? What circumstances would you change if you could? The feeling of desperation was the biggest gift to me because it gave me the motivation I needed to change.

So, I decided that I was going to put myself on the line for the sake of benefiting other people. Knowing that without risk, there is no reward, I couldn’t stand being where I was for one more minute. So, I decided to change. I changed my mind. I decided to stop “playing it safe” (which wasn’t safe at all, it was more like playing it stupid.)

Since then, I have gained friendships with some of the most amazing people, who have become very important to my organization as well. Yes, my business is growing, but even more importantly to me, I am growing and helping others to grow.

Now I have a question for you. Have you ever thought, “Maybe (insert person’s name) could be successful, but I don’t know about me”? Or, “Maybe they have something special, that I don’t have.” If we are all being honest, we all have had thoughts like those cross our minds. I want to share with you what helped me change my mind about those thoughts. At a recent conference, I saw something amazing. The most successful people in our industry were recognized on stage. There were people of all different physical attributes and ages, but surely, I thought, there is one consistent personality type that excels in business. Right? Surely, it’s the bubbly/friendly/salesperson type and not the analytical/organized/introvert. Right? No! All different personality types seemed to be equally represented, letting me know I don’t have to be a stand up comedian or an ultra Energetic Eileen to be successful. There was a common thread, however. Do you want to know what the single most important characteristic was? In a word, belief.  Not just belief the products, or belief in the company, but belief in themselves and belief in others.

Now some of you just thought, “If belief and self confidence is a key to success, well, that rules me out.” NO IT DOESN’T.

Here’s the BIG KEY that will give you success right were you are at.

Belief is a choice. That bears repeating. Belief is a choice!

Belief is a muscle we must exercise. Honestly, my belief muscle had atrophied. Many of us have become “out of shape” in the area of belief. We have exercised our fear muscle. And what we exercise does grow and becomes strong! And these two muscles, fear and belief, are in direct opposition to each other.

If you want to change your circumstances, you have to choose to change who you believe you are and what you are capable of achieving. If you want to change your ability to affect your circumstances, your family, your friends, or the world in a positive way, you have to choose to believe that you can. It may sound simple, and it is, but like exercise, what is simple often isn’t easy. It takes work. It takes repeated effort.

When you believe that people will want the products or services you have to offer, you won’t have to force yourself to pick up the phone. Our belief is the seed for our actions. Our fruits (our actions) are a direct result of what we believe.  When you believe that you can succeed, you will not only attempt everything your heart desires but you will keep going until you achieve everything your heart desires.  Belief never gives up. There is no failure when you believe; inevitable success is just a matter of time and ingenuity. Learn enough skills, and you will eventually get there, if you don’t give up.

Here are the rules to this:

#1. You don’t have to be Naïve. When we were kids, we thought that everything was possible, but we also thought it was going to be easy. When we face obstacles, do we remain true to our belief about what we can achieve or do we abandon our faith at the first sign of resistance?

#2. You don’t have to believe you are perfect. You are not. You can believe that you can succeed even though you are not perfect. If people had to be perfect to be successful, we wouldn’t have our iphones, or HDTV. Look at what imperfect people have achieved. You are no different.

#3. You don’t have to be a know it all. You will learn what you need along the way.

#4. You don’t have to be perfect at it the first time (or the hundredth time) Are you learning? That is the main thing. You will get it eventually, if you keep learning and trying. This happens naturally when you belief.

#5. Believe you can make mistakes and still achieve your goal.

#6. Believe it is not all up to you. One of my favorite scriptures states, “His strength is made perfect in my weakness.” I don’t have to do it all or be it all, I can succeed with the help of God and others.

Who else can you believe in? Believe in others; just follow the same rules as with yourself. They don’t have to be perfect to get the job done either.

You can make a difference! Choose to believe that you can. You have something great to offer the world, just as you are. Choose to believe that you have something great and unique to offer the world, you. You are becoming someone who has even more to offer others and the difference you will make in the lives of others will be astounding! Choose to believe that you are growing MORE able to help people in this world; therefore, study and practice hard so that you will do it!

So, what’s the next step? Grab a workout partner and start building those belief muscles!

I used to feel that I wanted everything I pursued to come easily. I mean, after all, wouldn’t that be, well, easier? When attainments have been harder than I expected them to be, my knee-jerk reaction was to feel resentful, disillusioned, and even like quitting. Recently, my perspective changed drastically, when I listened to a friend of mine during her training at a company retreat.

My friend shared a story about a football team. “What if,” she said, “this team had no resistance, no obstacles. They simply ran down the field and scored, again, and again, and again. Even if they were ‘our’ team, you have to admit, it would be pretty boring to watch.” The obstacles and the resistance are what make the victory so savory. This has put my own struggles in a whole new light for me.  Now, when I face a challenge, or when I don’t have success on my first or second attempts, I choose to press on, knowing that this is just sweetening the pot for my eventual triumph.

As leaders, we have to learn to exercise our minds, just like we need to “work out” our bodies. It has been said, “the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.” When we exercise our physical bodies, we utilize and develop mental toughness in order to press forward. It feel often extremely uncomfortable to continue striving past our usual limits, but we know that doing so is good for us, and so, we play whatever “mind games” we need to in order to get our desired result.

Likewise, our circumstances in life can offer us amazing resistance to our desired goals. Interestingly, it is not despite, but because of that resistance, that our trials can also be harnessed to make us mentally strong. Think of it this way; when we work out, we don’t think of the exercise equipment as our enemy. The equipment is just a tool, implemented to achieve a desired result. So too, our circumstances, though they often feel “weighty,” provide the necessary resistance to develop our mental toughness. Great leaders won’t complain about their circumstances but embrace the opportunities hidden inside tough situations to excel and overcome.  Leaders tell themselves, “I can do it. Through persistence, and patience, and practice, I can do it. I will do it.”

So how do you know if you are mentally tough?

Mental Toughness reveals itself in at least 3 key areas.

#1 Courage

This is not being fearless, but acting in accordance with what you know to be right, despite your fears.

#2.   Persistence

This relies on your courage. You must be willing to try. Not just once, or twice, but until you achieve your desired result.

#3.  An Optimistic Set of Beliefs

    Without this you won’t be able to accomplish #1 and you won’t continue your courage to the level of persistence outlined in #2. This is the foundation. The seed from which your tree of mental toughness will grow. The great thing is, confidence is a choice. You’ve got to choose to believe that you can. Belief is a choice. This is the muscle you must work out. If you are not acting inline with #1 or #2, chances are there’s a lack of belief. Courageous action and persistence are the hallmarks of unyielding, unwavering, relentless belief. You have to choose to have faith and believe, “I can do it. I can succeed. I can utilize all circumstances to develop positive results.”

How can you use the tough situations you are going through in order to gain mental toughness and sweeten the pot for your victory?

Ever feel that something’s got to give?

We’ve heard it said that desperate times call for desperate measures. To be desperate implies to have a major unmet need or desire. A dire situation.

When circumstances seem bleak for extended periods of time. We sometimes begin to despair. We feel hopeless. When we despair, we often don’t know what to do.  But I have found that something marvelous happens when we become desperate. In my life, desperation was the most beautiful gift I could have received.

For many years I had been living with the status quo. My family and I were, in the words of Chris Widener “living life like a paper cup in a parking lot,” letting the circumstances of life have their way with us. Before our situation became unbearable, I had been dissatisfied for many years, not with my family, but with our situation. I knew that I was not living for my purpose or my passion. “Why not?” you may wonder. To be perfectly honest, I allowed fear to stop me. (I used to say that I was paralyzed by fear, but now I understand that fear itself cannot stop anyone; fear can only stop you if you let it. ) So, I had allowed fear to keep me from attempting to accomplish my dreams. But then something wonderful happened. Sure, it didn’t seem wonderful at the time. In fact, it felt terrible. But after seven years of just letting life happen, the most amazing thing happened. I became DESPERATE! I remember calling out to God because I was in my thirties and still held back by fear. I wondered if there was any hope for me. I mean, really, if I hadn’t learned to move past my fear by now, would I ever?

God answered my prayer in the most bewildering way.  He didn’t take my fear away. But my circumstances became dire. I could no longer stand the status quo. Enough was enough. I came face to face with the realization that if I didn’t do something different, nothing would change. After all, I had already been “wishing” and “hoping” for seven years. I used to think, “Things will be better next month, or maybe next year…” Finally, I got to the breaking point. I knew that I had to change, if I wanted to change my results. I became desperate enough to do what had previously seemed so difficult, but in reality only took a single decision. I decided to CHANGE.

All people feel fear. ALL PEOPLE. Even the most brave among us. ESPECIALLY the most brave among us. The only difference between us, is that they have pressed on while feeling afraid more times than we have. If a person truly had no fear, they could never be brave. By definition courage requires that fear be present.

Maybe you are going through something right now that is especially difficult. Maybe you would have never wished this situation on yourself in a million years. I understand. But there is hope. There is a gift (maybe more than one) hidden inside the ugly oyster you are going through right now. God can use this desperate situation to motivate you to change the things you need to, in order to become the person you’ve always had the potential to be.

So how can you use a desperate situation for your gain?

#1. Dream. What would your life look like if anything were possible?

#2. Asses. What needs to change to achieve the life you have been longing for?

#3. Strategize. Looking at your end goal, break it down into smaller and smaller steps that will lead you to your dreams. (A marathon is run one step at a time.)

#4. Partner. We can run farther with someone at our side than alone and honestly, this is a journey so it should be worthwhile. Find someone who has similar goals and drive, especially if they are further on their journey than you, and meet regularly to discuss goals, achievements, and strategies.

#5. Progress: Daily progress is key. You don’t have to climb a mountain everyday, but if you take a few steps every day, you will climb that mountain. Make a list of 3 achievable things that will move you closer toward your goal at night before bed. Then the next day if you did all 3 things, you can feel good about your work. Of course, if you need your situation to change faster, you may have to do more each day, but progress is what you are monitoring.

#6. Focus. Look at what YOU can control. You can control YOUR efforts, but not necessarily the outcome. Results take time. Keep your goals in front of you and keep moving forward.

#7. Mind your mind. Surround yourself with positive people and resources. Read positive material and immerse yourself in a culture of success (videos, blogs, books, and friends.)

Question: How can you use what you are going through right now to motivate you to become the type person you’ve always wanted to be?